The most popular quotes on fear claim you have to put on a brave face or that fear is only a mindset. Fear is not a mindset, fear is real. Fear is loss, shattered hopes, and so much more. Fear can live in tandem with hope, they can be felt simultaneously, and so often people try to reject that fact.
I understand those ideas in some parts of life, but not in loss and not for infertility overall. One of the most famous quotes says “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”, and I understand the sentiment. I understand that we’re being told to conquer our fears and prevail, and face up to our fears. But what about when we fear something that’s actually happened before? What if our fears come from pain and loss and heartache? What if our fears are that we’ll continue to push through more cycles, sacrifice more time, more of our bodies, and most importantly, more of ourselves and our emotions, but gain nothing in return? I truly believe that no matter what the outcome to your journey, YOU are still an incredible person and you deserve to give yourself more credit and more love, but it’s also okay to have fear when trying to get there.
I don’t believe courage and faith and love and hope can conquer all fear immediately. I don’t believe they have to replace fear. I believe and know from experience that fear and all of these positive emotions can appear together, and to truly conquer our fears takes time, healing, love, support, and more than people usually give us credit for. Just know, if you have fear of the unknown and fear of continuing to try for a better outcome, or fear in any part of this journey, you are not alone. I support you. I stand with you. And I know you will find your way out, but you can take as much time as you want. And if you slip back into fearful thoughts, you’re only human and that’s normal too. And if you can’t have hope right now with the fear, I have it for you. And I’m sure many others do too ❤️