A pic from last year bc rn I look like trash- hopefully one day healthy Becky will be back xxxxxxx Couldn’t sleep until 4am last night because yet again I was so anxious. I’m ngl when I got my grades and I did so much better than I had anticipated it sent me back into what I like to call my “I MUST BE PRODUCTIVE!!!!!!!’ mode. As in now I realise that everything I was considering is still open to me. So now I feel this added responsibility yet again to ensure I don’t hold myself back. Which is all well and good, I mean we need a little stress to be motivated right. But I’m here writing this blog for my mum (which is literally covering about 15 or so years of events), making GCSE notes for my brother (his exams are next year and yes I know he should be doing it himself but having worked as a private tutor I know the syllabuses and I know he’s going through a tough time so I want to give him the best chance) and helping my dad renovate (btw I know everyone says home renovation is stressful but we’re redoing the whole place and omg I didn’t realise it would be THIS STRESSFUL). For myself, I have to practice competency tests, research companies, do my dissertation research, do work experience, catch up with all my friends, recover from my ED which resurfaced massively this year so that I can go back to third year and actually survive and have a regular sleep pattern. I also need to eer on the side of caution now because my immune system is still incredibly weakened from shingles then German measles etc. which I got as a result of you guessed it- stress :). My friends who live abroad came to visit (the last time they saw me was in the Summer of first year) and they all remarked on how I had lost weight and that I looked ‘ill’ (which I’m ngl I’m very much aware of, I’m literally a shell of my former self). (Continued in next post).